This morning my husband asked if I had gotten more cream cheese, what I heard was "Again, you forgot to get the one thing that will make me happy"! I immediately got defensive and told him that he didn't tell me we were out. How could I possibly make him happy if he doesn't tell me how! Then he said the words "Oh good, today is a defensive day". Instead of attacking him, which was my first instinct*, I realized that I had called that comment into my vibration, so I could get it back out. I immediately turned to Abraham (Yay for youtube) and found the recording below about being defensive and what it really means.
*OMG I did it, I was aware of the negative feeling in the moment and was able to gain control of it, stop the negative momentum and CHOOSE a better feeling thought! YAY YIPPIE! YES YES YES!!!!! The power in choice of fantastic!
I realized that I really am trying to make him happy all of the time. As a child we are often lead to believe that we are responsible for our parents happiness. Parents often say things, "Why are you making me yell at you?" or "Stop doing that, it makes me angry!" As a good little child, I listened and bought into that rubbish. I can only make one person happy and that is me. No matter how hard I try, I can NOT make you happy. Even if I do what I perceive as perfect actions or behaviors, I am in no way responsible for how someone else is feeling. If my action makes them feel good, it is their choice, NOT MINE!
I have seen this so clearly when I attempt to make my child happy when they are upset and the little buggers (so close to their source of well being, how dare they) refuse to get happy. The remedy is not what they want, how dare I even pretend to know what they really want, I am only in charge of me. In that moment it is quite a challenge to remain in a positive place. I want so badly for all of my loved one to feel good, but really that is not fair to them. We all need contrast, it is in the contract that we see what we don't want and there know what we DO WANT!
Lucky for me on our drive to school, I was faced with lots of bickering, yay contrast! They so clearly know what they don't want and have zero qualms about speaking it. Since this topic has been building momentum since they could be yucky to one another, it is really moving. It is like a Mack Truck flying down a steep hill with no breaks, how the hell can I stop it, I CAN'T!!! Yet, it was habit to try desperately to work them through the issue, which only lead to me being frustrated, because as I said, I can't stop this momentum!! So now what, I realize I have allowed the kds behavior to effect my mood. ABRAHAM< HEEEELLLLPPPP! So sorry kids, we are gonna hear what Abraham has to say.... (this recording was perfect for the moment)
The key is just let it go!! Yep that is all, Instead of trying to fix their fighting in that moment, as I had tried to let it go and trust. Trust that what is happening in front of me is something I put there a while ago. It is already happening, I can not control the actions, I can only control how I feel! So I looked at the Mack Truck coming toward me and decided to move out of its way. I CAN NOT FIX IT FOR THEM!!! I even said out loud, I can not fix this for you, so I am not going to try. I can't make you happy and you can't make me happy, it is up to us to make ourselves happy." This was not easy, but I had to trust and will have to continue trusting that the Universe is always on my side and all my negative emotions are just indicators that what I am experiencing is out of alignment from who I really am.
From now on every time my kids argue, I want to see them in a beautiful light. I want to see them a beings experiencing all the contrast they need in order to launch rockets of desire into their own vortex. They are learning what they don't want so they can reach for what the do want. This is good for them, they need this. AND, this is exactly what I wanted when I put out the vibrations and beliefs that caused the universe to make this part of my reality, even if I am in a different place now. Will this be easy, not at first, but just like with walking, we get better as we practice. And it will be much easier if I practice this when I am IN THE VORTEX!! Knowing that everything is where we last left it vibrationally is key here. When I am feeling good, that is when I can change my vibration about it. However, because my parents fought a lot growing up, my vibration around arguing is all jacked up and has been building momentum since I was a kid. Reaching to this place, forgiving my parents and my children and forgiving myself for allowing it to control my feelings is key. I will be meditating on this and doing my best to change my vibration surrounding this, ONE STEP AT A TIME!! Compassion is key here! So I will also be using some of the tools accumulated to make this process as easy and to reduce my resistance.
My tools for helping to adjust my vibration on this topic:
-The Reiki Precept "Be Compassionate with myself and others" We are all where we are and doing the best we can in that moment, be okay with that.
-doTerra's Emotional Aromatherapy Kit. The Emotions wheel doesn't have Defensive on it, but since defensive is really about feeling not good enough, I will go with the feelings of being ashamed, angry, bitter and use Forgive - The Renewing Bend and for my feeling of insecurity I will combine Forgive with Peace - the Reassuring Blend. Using the oils when I am not in the moment will help me to find the desired feelings surrounding these types of situations. I also plan to use these oils in the moment to help my brain remember the positive vibration and feeling that is possible and NOT repeat history!
About this blog
After almost 2 years of deep depression and grief I am on the road to Wellness. This is a journey that has no end, yet I reach my goal of wellness everyday. Feeling joy and happiness no matter what the circumstance or situation I am in, is my goal! In this blog I share my struggles, experiences and solutions as I make this choice to live well!